Help Lord....

"Help Lord, for the godly are no more; the faithful have vanished from among men. Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception." Ps 12:1-2

I haven't posted in a while but I just spent 45 minutes ranting to Amanda about how I really feel about christianity. The sad part is that in other christian circles I feel as though I might almost be excommunicated for speaking about such feelings, but thank God that is not the case with this community.

For some time now I have read over this verse and said, "yep, aint that the truth!" I would say it in my heart as though I was sitting from this throne looking down on society and thinking about how godless everything is. "Oh God come and save me from these unbelievers," I would cry. But for the first time tonight I have the conviction of this verse slammed upon my own heart. I have this terrifying image of standing at the gate of heaven, listing off all the things I "accomplished" for the kingdom and having God tell me, "I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers."(Mt. 7:22)

The truth is, I'm wondering right now what the heck we're doing. Am I really Godly? Am I really the one who would say that I would go to the ends of the earth to find God even if I were the only one left? Or am I just doing the right thing... checking off marks on the christianity check list and and making sure I uphold the classic American christian template? I'm just so burdened with this idea of getting to heaven and hearing God say, "I NEVER KNEW YOU." "But God... I lead youth groups and prayer meetings. I... I made a difference for your kingdom." "But I NEVER KNEW YOU," he might say.

What if in reading this verse from David, it's really me and my peers it's aimed at? What if we're the ones that aren't Godly and "lies to his neighbor." "How ya doing this fine sunday morning Jim?" "Oh great Brian... good to see ya!(insert church smile here)" Meanwhile, there's arguments with the wife, troubles with finances and no intamacy with Christ whatsoever, but dang it, he's there volunteering his time for the kingdom! Have you been there? I sure have! Why are we so afraid to talk about the real issues facing the church today and instead choose to focus on just getting everyone out to the next church event? Was the body of believers not intended to be a place of openess and encouragement in the first place?

Church never saved anyone... JESUS did! I so long for a heart like David's that had next to no interaction with a body of believers(since he was a shepherd and spent a vast majority of his time alone on the hillsides) but instead cultivated a hunger for Christ based on first hand encounter and a family who brought him up right. I'm just so tired of being bound by what the status quo says I ought to look like if I want to be a dedicated christian. And the silly part is that I buy into it. I don't know how to cope without being committed to a cause. I want to KNOW Christ... not meet all the requirements, play by the rules and look like super-christian!

Please pray for our youth at Radiant Church here in the springs. Pray that they would see leaders that ooze Jesus, not just leaders who want see healings just so they can tell everyone about it. Pray that they would not just see leaders who want make them feel good about themselves for giving to the newest outreach event. Pray that they would long to be alone with God as a bride longs to be alone with her groom. Pray that they would see Jesus... not religion, not social interaction.... JESUS!