I have been in a really really dry place lately. I have been here for longer than I would like. But just the other day, God and I had a little talk and it sparked some motivation to start getting out of this awful place. Tonight I came home from work, I sat down with my dinner and pulled out my Bible. In the past, anytime I have ever been in a dry place, the book I find myself always turning to is Psalms. And sure enough, here I sit with my Bible open to that same book. I opened it up to Psalm 55 and started to read through it and realized that what David was crying out is what my heart is crying out right now. Then I thought about how many times I have sunken to a place that I do not want to be, turned to the Psalms and repeated those prayers as my own. Yet still, time after time, I find myself still back in a terrible place where my heart is not right. I started to think about how I wish I had the heart of David, but am so far from it that I cannot even imagine what it would be like to be a woman after God's own heart. And then something occured to me, that David did not just cry out to God every now and then, he cried out to God from the days of his youth...ALL THE TIME. He prayed without ceasing and in that he began to know what it meant to be a man after God's own heart, to be a man that was so in love with God that he could not get enough. That, my friends, is what I lack the most. The time that I spend crying out to God, bearing my soul, praising him for everything is so sub par it is unbelievable. My desire is to be a woman after God's own heart. I want to be aching to know Him. I want to feel so empty and barren when an oppotunity to spend time with Him is passed by that I will not be able to do anything but fall to my knees and cry out to him.

Friends, my relationship with God has gotten to a place that is worse than it has ever been before. I have felt more weak and hopeless than ever before. But I leave you with the good news that I am on my way to restoration, restoration of my heart and of my soul...of my whole life.

I love you all, thank you for being such wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ.

-Amanda Newton